Well, if you don't follow my words, and don't believe in my miracles, then you are doomed. You, you are going to hell. The Hell is the owrst place in the universe. I had a lot of fun making the Hell and thinking about what kind of suffering the infidels will have here.
This is you after your death. Yeah big boy, you turn into a little girl with a doll. This is the first step. Scarried? Wait and see what's next.
Well, if you were already a girl, I'll turn you into a man. There are lots of hot women in the hell (literally), and you, now as a man, may feel atracted at them. You can try, but you will never be able to kiss them. There's a Green Sock Puppet of Hell there, it steals everyone's girlfriends. With a smile on it's face.
Once you get down there, you have to find your own place. Territories shall be respected, and everyone has their own cubicle. You have to take a ride with specialized drivers, though not so skillful.
The only food you will get in the Hell is made of balls. Yes, testicles!
In your cubicle, you have the right to have a computer... a 386, with Windows 2000 (I mean, it won't run, and if you have lucky, it will take the whole eternity to load the Windows opening screen). The keyboards are already adapted for the Windows environment.
In the Hell, technical services are available. If you need anything, they will provide you, after some burocracy (something around 967 petitions). In this case, this is an optional key for your keyboard, where it's read "Fuck it". Again, great for your Windows based machine.
It takes forever to download anything on the net. The Hell provider is a bit slow. Actually, you will want to die again before it reaches 2%. But when you reach 99%, the lights will turn off and you will have to do it all again.
Guess who is your landlord!